Shema Yisrael
Peaceful Marriages and Those Who Destroy Marriages
שלום בית באנגלית בית דין מירושלים
שלום בית מבית דין בירושלים ג חול המועד פסח
Today there are prominent authors from among the leaders of the Erev Rav,
who appear to be righteous men. And they want to find favor among women, as they say in America: “ladies first” – the woman comes first. But that contradicts what our sages taught – see Shevet Mussar, chapter 24; Pelo Yoetz, the chapter on Shalom Bayit; Menorat Hamaor, “a kosher wife acts according to the will of her husband” (Hagahot Maimoniot, chapter15; in the name of Tanna Dabei Eliyahu Rabba, chapter 9; Even Ha’or, section 69). And because of this many women are insolent towards their husbands to the point where it leads to divorce. We spoke with several great rabbis of the generation, and they told us that these books fall into the category of actual heresy and a lack of faith, and are greater obstacles than anything that has been written thus far in the world. We asked the rabbis how this could be possible. For didn’t the authors of those books receive recommendations from prominent rabbis? They explained to us that the rabbis didn’t read the books from cover to cover, but only skimed through them to get a general idea about the contents. And the authors didn’t show the rabbis the controversial things they had written. Thus this “golden calf” has come forth to destroy thousands of Jewish families. And according to our sages, they will never be released from Gehenom.
Another thing this has lead to is that if the husband says something to the children, his wife immediately says the opposite, because she thinks she is in charge in the home. How could he say something to the children without asking her? And that leads to huge arguments, too shocking to imagine. These books have also caused a situation where a husband is hesitant to serve himself food, because he is afraid his wife will shout at him – because she is the lady of the house. Or she doesn’t prepare food for him at all, because for her he is nothing more than… The main thing is that he should work like a horse and bring home money.
And what will become of the children of such marriages? The mother has taught her offspring to contradict their father, and therefore her daughter will speak insolently to her own husband, and so forth. That is to say that such a mother teaches her children to get in arguments, to argue with their spouses for their entire lives. And the big “reward” she will receive for this is that she will never be released from Gehinom. Not her and not her children, because all children follow in the footsteps of their mothers. Soon there will not be any room left in Gehinom, because everyone who learns from these books, as well as their children and grandchildren, will not ascend from Gehinom for eternity. And even if they pray every day, and cover their hair with scarves, and wear thick stockings – none of that will help them. They are also committing the transgression of shaming one’s fellow man [the husbands] in public [in the presence of all the children, and often in the company of her own parents or other people in the house], and the transgression of taking pleasure in another’s disgrace [when she shouts at him in front of the children, that is an example of “mitkabed b’kalon chavero”]. And such a woman will never leave Gehinom!!!
In Reishit Chochma, the gate of Yirah (chapter 13), Tractate Gehinom:
Chapter 3: Three types of people descend into Gehinom and do not come back up – one who cohabitates with a married woman, one who shames another in public, and one who lies and makes vows in Hashem’s name. And some say that one who takes pleasure in another’s disgrace, and one who causes a man and his wife to argue, also fall into that category of people. Every Shabbat eve they are taken between two mountains of snow. And they are left there. And on Saturday night after Shabbat they are taken back to their places. An angerl comes and pushes them back to their places in Gehinom, and they take snow from that place and put it under their bushes to cool themselves off during the week. And the Holy One, blessed be He, says to them, “Evil ones! How dare you steal, even in Gehinom!” As it is written (Iyov 24:19): “Dryness and heat they steal away, [also] snow water; [they descended to] the grave [because] they had sinned.”
That is to say, that even in Gehinom they sinned.
Let us fulfill what is written in the Torah: The Holy One, Blessed be He, found no vessel that could contain blessing for Israel save that of peace.”
Chol Hamoed Pesach, 3rd day of the Omer, Nisan, 5776
Va’ad Haolami for saving families from dissent and divorce
Rabbi Asher Glick – Rabbi Yossef Levy – Rabbi Nachman Weiss